i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I did not marry a roomba.
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