Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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