Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
