You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
