There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
