This house was built for laser tag.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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