I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
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trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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