i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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