You made me cry and you don't even care
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
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Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.