I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.