Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress