Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?