We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
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So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
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I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.