I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.