Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
