remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
