Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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