Plan B is the new Plan A
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
where are you?
Hypothermia
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
