I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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