a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
