well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize