just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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