using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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