I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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