At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
