11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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