seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize