She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
