Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
