The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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