We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize