i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
