i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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