I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
