my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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