miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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