i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize