You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize