Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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