WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
