I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
