Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?