My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?