My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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