He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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