You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize