The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
