i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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