The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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