i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
