so that wasnt chicken after all
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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