Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10