did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.