There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
