You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.