The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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