i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
