my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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